praises!

Praise God! I was asked to interview at two different school districts next week! I’m hoping one of these schools is the one that God wants me to be at next year. 

 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. – Proverbs 3:5

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

jobs grow on jobbies.

Disclaimer: I fully realize that this is going to make me sound ungrateful, which is far from the truth. I am incredibly grateful for the people in my life, especially their willingness to care and show their support. This post is really due to an overwhelming need for a cathartic experience due to the ample numbers of people who keep asking me, “Have you started applying for jobs?” “Do you have a job for next year?” “When can you start applying for jobs?” Blurg. I’m just tired of answering these questions with non-commital responses so that I don’t make the other person feel bad when I say, “Well, actually, I started applying for jobs about three years ago. It’s gonna happen any minute now!” People ask so innocently, with the best intentions of course, because they really have no idea what the market is like right now. What I would really like to say has already been said by none other than Charlie Day:Image

 

worry about yourself.

Oh Lordy. This whole applying-for-jobs-as-my-permanent-hobby thing is getting reallyyy old. I graduated from college in December 2009, and unfortunately my story is not unique. I have been trying to break into the teaching business for the past three and a half years now, and let me me tell you: It’s not as easy as it looks. If I had a job for every time an employer told me, “We’re just looking for someone with more experience,” well, shoot. I’d have about fifteen jobs too many. 

I wish I could give you some real statistics on my employment efforts, such as how many I’ve applied for, how many interviews I’ve had, how many “close but no cigar”, or rather, “You’re good, but not that good,” conversations I’ve had the pleasure of being a part of. I could go ahead and actually count them all up, but frankly, that would be depressing and much like rubbing salt in the wound. I will tell you that I have a manila file folder that’s about an inch thick full of resumes, cover letters, and copies of applications that I’ve submitted over the past three years. The plan is to burn the damn thing once I finally hear those glorious words: “You’re hired!” But, alas, the folder is currently collecting dust and probably won’t grow much thicker even though I’m still applying. You see, I’ve been applying for sooo long now that technology has advanced soooo much that I no longer need to print all of those application materials. Instead, the magic of electronic documents has taken their place. Goodbye large yellow mailing envelops! See ya expensive postage! Adios Postal Service! (I actually retract that last valediction, because I would like to keep the US Postal Service around. I actually choose to mail things that probably should be done electronically in hopes that my one Forever stamp here or there is enough to keep Saturday delivery a thing. Apparently it’s not.)

I realize that last paragraph is rather, “Back in my day, we used to hike uphill both ways!” The truth is, the online teaching application sites have just been a little behind the times and stuff that should have been uber-digital about five years ago is just now happening. I’m not that old. Contrary to what it feels like, I have, in fact, not been applying for two decades.

The real issue is that I’m really starting to lose hope. I didn’t know a person could be this tired, and I’m not just talking about being physically tired. I am emotionally exhausted. My mental faculties feel fatigued. My personality went to sleep about a year ago, right around the time I decided to go back to school to get a different teaching license, and I’m not so sure it’s ever going to wake up. I used to be funny. I used to have energy. I used to not clench my teeth ALL OF THE FREAKIN’ TIME. Seriously, I wake up and my jaw hurts. I yawn and realize that my facial muscles have been working overtime to ensure I require a mouth guard within the next five years. I am not myself and I just want it to stop. It needs to stop. 

In an effort to lighten the mood, I’ll leave you with this.

almost there.

Just seven more weeks…just seven more weeks until I’m done with round two of student teaching. Here’s to hoping the weeks to come fly by and bring new possibilities and opportunities for next year.

blessed.

I feel very blessed by the people in my life, especially those that have encouraged me over the past couple of years. The gentle reminders of God’s goodness and plan for me have been spoken to me just when I needed to hear them. 

reassessment.

I’ve been pushing myself really hard. I’ve been working full-time, going to class twice a week, applying for jobs left and right, interviewing for said jobs (when I’ve been so lucky), and all the while trying to maintain some sort of balance. I feel like I’m spinning my wheels and am stuck. Frankly, I’m not sure where to go from here. 

I know I’m good at my job. I know my students like me. I know I am capable. Yet, there is a disconnect somewhere. Am I in the wrong place? It seems that way. Where should I be? Who knows. This obviously isn’t working and I’m lacking balance. At the moment, I’m lacking joy. I need a little direction here.